The feeling of dread after a wonderful day is something I have gotten used to, but that still manages to hurt me.
I know I promised a nice post but dang. I had the most wonderful day, just to be hit by the worst feeling ever, knowing that I just have to wake up and keep doing my normal college life tomorrow. And before you come saying "oh but then everyday would be cool and THAT would be boring!!" Dude. I can't live like this, knowing that my life is escaping through my fingers while i'm just here, fake smiling and letting it do that.
I gotta really living life for myself, not thinking about all the sucky things that could happen. If i want to buy a wireless mouse because mine keeps getting its cord stuck then LET ME SPEND 70 BUCKS ON IT. CUZ I'LL KNOW ILL KEEP USING IT FOR ANOTHER 6+ YEARS JUST LIKE MY CURRENT ONE!! If I want to buy a modern keyboarded flip phone cuz i think it's gonna help me become less brainrotted and more focused and cool then LET ME SPEND 150 BUCKS!!!! I know i'll use it, i KNOW i will love it. I gotta start taking risks man.
Talking about risks, I kinda feel like Michael Scott from The Office, completely insane, stupid, dumb, who ruins every good moment, every bad moment, every relationship due to his way of being or whatever. And also being full of crazy decisions he has to take, BUT HE ALWAYS PICKS THE WRONG ONES!!!!!
GIRL IM SCARED OF PICKING THE WRONG ONE........
I wanna win the constant battle with my mental issues, kick my adhd, depression, autism, anxiety and fucking DO WHAT I REALLY WANNA DO!!!! I wanna move out with a friend (maybe someone more,,, teehee) and just become the woman I always wanted to be, i feel like im jailed even tho im not. I love my parents, and they love me, that's why they pamper me and sometimes here and there they clean my room and stuff, and then call me lazy.. LIKE UGHHHHHH I WOULD HAVE DONE IT AT MY OWN TIME!! I LIKE CLEANING MY ROOM, PUTTING SOME NEAT SONGS AND JUST HAVING A BLAST ORGANIZING EVERYTHING GUHHHHHH!!!
I always loved watching IsaacWhy and his friends (The Group Chat Podcast)'s because they make it look so awesome living with other people, taking care of their own issues, and I just don't like being alone as much as I liked back then.
I wanna experience life with someone else, i wanna be able to wake up next to someone, make them breakfast, hangout being all chill, just casual stuff, maybe going out buying some groceries, going on a nice date once and a while, cook together and just LIVE LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
My life is escaping from my fingers and i need to grab it, and not let it go. I won't make that mistake again. I need the strenght to grow up, take control of myself and really DO SOMETHING. And that should be a message for everyone, do what you wanna do.
But also don't quit stuff just cuz one thing went wrong. (I mean I would've probs had quit college if my mom and dad weren't paying for it LOL. BUT THAT'S NOT THE MESSAGE I WANNA GIVE OUT!!! I mean... it kinda is x3
if it makes you feel completely awful, just quit it. ..
unless your parents are paying for it, then you'll probably feel bad.